Internet Killed The BBQ King

As summer gears up, and the grills and smokers get dusted off by the fair weather grill jockeys, lets take a quick look back at what happened during the off-season. There were no major off season trades, or player union lockouts.

"It was a recipe that will live in infamy..."

The course of BBQ future as we know it was forever altered, sent into a tailspin from which it may never recover. It's another page out of Oceanic Flight 815's travel log. It's not where are we, but when are we...

No virtual pit master is safe, and the mysterious veil all but dissipated like a waft of hickory smoke. Okay, Let's not panic, or get foolish. The magic has been disappearing ever since the Elves began migrating West across the Sea. The river of mystery sauce has dried to a trickle that only flows during seasonal monsoons of BBQ bliss.



It wasn't that the Bacon Explosion: recipe dealt a death blow. It merely slammed a door that had been closing since the dawn of Sauron, err the web. It has just taken longer for some folks to broaden their google search horizons, into areas of primal fire, smoke, and sauce. The Wizardry of BBQ has been at the fingertips of the common web crawler for quite some time. But with all the other content, it gets overcooked most of the time. In mid February this recipe called "Bacon Explosion" received 50,000 hits in a single day, and that could have spelled some dire consequences for us BBQ Wizards. Would we be forever viewed as "Conjurers of Cheap Tricks"??

Being considered a BBQ connoisseur myself, amongst my own circle of family/friends it wasn't long before the requests came pouring in. "If you build it, they will come.." It was like Field of Dreams all over again. Some folks wondered if it was real, others asked when they could come over to try some. Still others were just looking for a weather report. (Same guy, wrong topic). That was when I began to breathe a little easier.

The recipe itself had garnered SERIOUS attention, even world wide web fame. But what I still haven't seen are hordes of lucrative forays into the Bacon Zone at least among those I know. There may be still enough mystery and doubt, and in this particular case fear to keep the novices at bay. Is it doubt as to if it will really taste good? (Of course it will it's BACON). Is it Mystery as to how hard it really is to prepare? Or possibly a Fear of a lifetime dependence on Lipitor, or Crestor after one takes a bite of this cholesterol laden delicacy...

And you see it's those two, no three, THREE chief weapons, mystery, doubt, fear, and a fanatical use of secret spice that may keep the few remaining secrets hidden safe for another millennium falcon, or at least until Firefox gives us 4.0 with a free digital meat thermometer app...


Until Next Time...
Camo Cook

Attack of Tree Pruner Part XXXII - "I Have Made of Huge Mistake"

Tree Pruning is one of the lesser known art forms. The Japanese excel at the Bonsai, (learned from Chinese penzai), while here in the U.S. it relates more to the pruning of Fruit Trees and vines to maximize fruit bearing potential. I don't own any fruit trees yet, but any tree can benefit from pruning. The hand driven pruning saw(s) I own are quite efficient, and I have downed limbs in excess of 7 inches in diameter in quick order. They have razor teeth that are shaped like a sharks tooth. They are sharp on 3 sides and only cut on the pull. It's with the larger of these saws that our story begins...

The weather was amazing on Sunday, and everyone was relaxing in the beautiful backyard. As I surveyed the garden, my eyes reminded me that a large branch from one of our silver maples was continuing its pattern of growing out over the garden. By the end of June, it would be shading far to much real veggie real estate. One simple cut would give our garden another hour or two of needed sunlight.

So I grabbed the extension ladder and my saw and got to work. First I made a cut on the bottom of the branch about a 1/2 inch deep where I wanted it to snap. The position of this cut was important, or I could take out our power lines. Then I got to work sawing through the beam on the top. As I cut, the weight of the branch pulled it downward, opening up the slice I was making. I began to hear popping and my audience sitting across the yard began to ooh and ah...

I was only a little over halfway through the beam, but with a little shove, I could see it starting to fall. I yelled a final all clear, and jumped off the ladder and grabbed onto the main trunk next to me as the branch began to fall. It's always good to stay clear. The branch dropped beautifully almost exactly where I wanted it! Awesome!!

Now came the not so fun part of cutting this beast up. And that's where the story turned not so fun as well. I had cut all the main limbs off the 8 inch beam except for one, and for some reason it was giving me a hard time. My saw kept binding, and I realized it was because my right arm was a bit tired. Being semi-ambidextrous, I without a thought switched to my left hand. That arm is stronger anyway, (I throw left, write right) but it lacks some dexterity. Well, I went back to cutting, but the groove I had made was for a right handed cut, so before long the saw jumped out of that groove and landed with a load of fury right on top of my hand...

Hmm.. This wasn't exactly what I had planned. I have just made a huge mistake.

I pulled the saw off my hand and started walking away from the scene of the crime, and from everyone else so I could ascertain how bad the damage was. I was amazed at first how slight the blood loss was, but I was not happy with being able to see my knuckle bone and tendons move around as I flexed the wound. I calmly asked Rachel to come over as I took off my shirt and wrapped it up so she and the kids couldn't see. I told her not to worry, but that I was going to need to go get some stitches. Meanwhile a pit was starting to form in my stomach, and I realized I needed to think about something else. Rachel went inside so I started helping the kids pile up the branches I had cut earlier. Nothing like work to take your mind off the pain.

Rachel returned with gauze, and some water and phone in hand. She insisted someone drive me to the ER, and I knew that would ease her mind so within minutes my good friend Jeremy was on his way. As I walked out the door I had my water bottle in hand. Jeremy told me in the car, he thought my fingers were in the bottle!! I laughed and showed him the wound, and that all my fingers were luckily in tact.

After my three hour tour, (insert Gilligans Island jingle) I was all stitched up. After I got home, I found my gloves (ding ding ding) and gingerly cut up the rest of the tree before retiring for the evening. It's still sore today, but it's slowly healing. The young doc noted to me that because of the saw's gnarly cutting action it will leave a scar. I told him that I guess that means my days of hand modeling are over...

Until Next Time...

A Dark Foray in the Dirt...

It is after Ten O'Clock last night, and I find myself rummaging about for my flashlight, coat, and hat; so I can go outside to take care of some plants. As I prepare to venture out, I mention to Rachel, "This is one of those moments when you wonder what your neighbors might think of you." She smiled.. enough said.

I had just remembered that I needed to uncover some plants that I had heaped dirt on two days before. The past two nights temps dropped into the 20's, which is not good for tender plants that are just starting to bud out. I recognized the need just in the nick of time Sunday afternoon as the nasty cold drizzle was coming down. I ran out and covered them all with compost to try and protect them. Now that the cold weather had subsided, I needed to uncover them before it really warmed up today.

So, here I am up past my bedtime, on my knees in the dark, uncovering these stems, looking for signs of life. Low and behold, the first bed of plants didn't look frost bit! About that time, I remember hearing a neighbor coming or going from their house across the street. I thought, "They won't notice me, I AM stealth!" Later, I moved on to a plant in the center of the front yard and began to uncover it. This one I had covered with little hope, as there were no buds that even needed protecting. I was afraid my Oak-leaf Hydrangea was dead. Eureka! There were buds on this one that hadn't been there two days ago! Well done Gardener Bowman!!

As I stopped for a moment to relish in this new found growth, the hair began to raise on the back of my neck. I could hear tires crunching gravel as a car backed out of a driveway. Next thing I know, my backside is drenched in halogen headlights from my neighbors car. I freeze like a deer on the highway. This is too much. Do I turn and wave? NO!! Who waves at 10:30 at night?? Should I acknowledge them at all? They aren't moving... This is getting weird. They obviously have phone in hand and are dialing the police.. After what seems an eternity they finally turn the corner and proceed down the street...

Oh Great!! It's like the movie The Burbs. I am now the neighbor that's burying who knows what in my yard!! Why do I do these things? To late to get philosophical now. This gardeners late night task is finished, and the plants all appear to be saved, or at least no worse off from being buried alive for two days. My neighbors probably think I just finished burying someone alive. I sheepishly smile as I retire to bed... Oh well...

Until Next Time...

Knock A Hole In It!

So, my lovely wife came up with a great idea.. (She's legendary when it comes to good ideas.) We've been pondering for some time a kitchen remodel, but it's a daunting concept. So we started talking about doing it in stages. This would have a three-fold purpose. 1. It will be more cost-effective to do it in chunks instead of all at once. 2. It allows there to be a minimal amount of downtime, when the kitchen is out of commission. (We gotta eat!) 3. It allows us to continue to cultivate and grow more great (legendary) ideas as we go.

Phase One involved three key steps. Replacing the kitchen window, removing the corner and south facing cabinets, and putting a "window" in the kitchen wall between the living room and the kitchen. I have replaced all the bedroom windows so far, so I tackled that first. All went great except, The sill fell off, (a bit rotten) and then in my haste, I chucked it in the trash before I measured it! OOPS! Well, it ended up being a good thing, because I was able to make the new sill a bit longer to accommodate the three inch trim. Oh, and I was a bit rusty on my trim angles, so I get to redo that. ARGH!

Next was ripping out the south facing cabinets. Well ripping those out was about as fun as wrestling a 350 lb. porcupine. I have to say, that without my Grandpa's Go-Devil, this would have been an impossible task. What is a Go-Devil you might ask? Well lets just park this story, and start another one.

A Go-Devil is an infamous, (well almost) Hooten invention. Roy Hooten, (my Grandpa) developed this tool eons ago. I hate to say it, but it's not patented, but it probably should be. A simple person, might just call it a pry bar, but it's way cooler than just that. It's an old leaf spring, (under the truck bed.) that has been cut in half and one end has been rounded off, and ground down to a fine edge. Sounds simple, but the resulting tool is AMAZING! It's a must for replacing windows, or beating rabid squirrels, or prying objects when you don't want to tear up a wall! Many thanks must go to Grandpa Roy for his invention!


Back to the real story. Now comes the fun part. Putting a hole in the wall between the kitchen and the living room! That first hammer blow, was timid. Wait NO it was not! I about drove my hammer through both sides of sheet rock. At that point Rachel went downstairs, because it was well, scary. All in all one of the most fulfilling projects I have attempted yet. Another one of Rach's legendary ideas comes to fruition...





Until Next Time...

Deer Meat, Orca's and Ella's Grand Deduction..

Tales From Yesterblog: So one Monday evening after work, I gathered up the family and headed east to Blue Springs. My uncle graciously offered to let me use his meat grinder, and finally tackle the 20 or so pounds of deer meat that I wanted ground up into burger. I was going to just make this trip on my own, but my Aunt Nana invited us all out for dinner to just "hang" for a bit, so we took them up on it.

I had already done the prep work on the meat, and it was probably fifty percent thawed, so all that was left to do was grind it, bag it and tag it. My uncle's grinder was a beast and we able to run it through twice in no time. A beautifully simple process. Roone decided to hang with us guys downstairs and it took every last ounce of his self control to not to try and eat raw deer meat! The boy just loves the stuff. Bambi is currently his favorite movie, but rest assured, he will soon fully comprehend where Bambi's momma turned up. He kind of understands the connection, because he asks where the meat comes from.. Anyway, mission accomplished, Deer Chili here we come!!

Meanwhile upstairs Rachel, my Aunt, and Ella was getting to watch Free Willy. Ella is now five and she has quite an affinity for ocean life, and took to the movie pretty quickly, or so I thought... Roone and I came upstairs to see the finale, and Ella was quite stirred by the drama of Willy's rescue attempt that seemed to drag on for an eternity!! A fallen tree in the road, Willy needs constant spritzing, then more nets and boats, and then finally he jumps over the rocks into the ocean...

So we drive home in a rainstorm, and get the kids ready for bed. As I am tucking Ella in, I take a moment to ask her something. "So Ella did you like the movie - Free Willy?" I was making conversation at this point to direct the subject to something other than the "dark", or "scared", not expecting the response I got. Ella quipped quite quickly. "No Dad, they need to just leave orcas in the ocean!"

I had to choke back a burst of laughter, and just grinned in the dark and said, "You know what Ella, you are right!" What an insightful remark from a 5 year old girl! She wasn't impressed with the storyline whatsoever. All of the ridiculous stress and drama she was put through watching this poor creatures life hang in the balance for all of 112 minutes could have been SO EASILY avoided, had those guys just left Willy in the ocean where he belonged!

A grand deduction indeed, and applicable to so many other aspects of life. So the lessons learned for the day: 1. Don't leave a carnivorous bear cub named Roone alone with raw meat on the counter. 2. Before you remove something from it's natural habitat, be it orca, human, plant, mineral, or Windows Vista.. go watch Free Willy again and then put it back where you found it.. unless you are going to eat it!

Seeds and Sprint and Such A Time as This...

Last night my wife and I sat down and ordered our seeds for this years garden from our favorite seed catalog. It's a fairly new heirloom seed company based in Mansfield, Missouri, run by a man about my age who started his company in his teens! Heirloom plants are a cultivar that was developed before modern times, and is not typically used any more in large scale farming. Many of these plants were developed by old time farmers to suit their region's climate/culture/needs.

With names like; "Kentucky Wonder Pole Beans", "Mortgage Lifter Tomatoes", and "Longfellow Cucumbers", these old varieties speak of a time filled with character and simplicity. The goal of heirloom seed growers is to keep each particular strain of plant alive, by mitigating cross pollination with other strains. A noble cause indeed, as it keeps not only the plants "genetic heritage" alive, but the culture from which it was born..

The power of the seed is undeniable. It lies dormant for months, sometimes even years and then, without notice or warning, it explodes into life. I can't help but think about the seeds that have been planted throughout my own life that have exploded into new life. The knowledge of the saving power of the death, burial and resurrected Christ. A desire to learn and appreciate God's creation. Time spent by others in God's Word with me, being taught how to rightly divide it, and apply it to every facet of my life. Co-workers and managers sharing and investing their knowledge and skill in me, as well as the talents and gifts that I have been blessed with.

The question then becomes, have I made myself fertile ground so these seeds that have been planted can flourish and grow? Am I removing the weeds, tending the garden that is my own life? Am I focused in what I let grow, so that there is continuity, and not chaos? Am I producing actual fruit, not just this season, but fruit that remains season after season? Have I let some plants cross pollinate, that I should have kept separate?

Good questions to ask, especially at a time when I find out tomorrow or Friday if I get to continue my 8+ year tenure with Sprint Nextel. Regardless I know that the time (seeds) invested there by Sprint in me has been well worth it. And though it's honestly been an anxious and difficult time, I know that even if I am let go, that just means there are other seeds still lying dormant within me that have yet to sprout, and still others to be planted. Seeds that no doubt will carry my life's garden into it's next season...

Until Next Time...

A Sign of Spring

The Robin returns
as the cold earth yearns
awaiting the thaw of spring.
Awake from dark slumber
shake off the winter,
Robin as you start to sing.



It was a week ago when the weather was really warm that I noticed the first flock of Robin's as they start to migrate north from their wintering grounds. It's a welcome sight, as though this winter has lacked the snowfall of last year, it hasn't lacked in painfully cold and dreary gray days.

The spring marks the beginning of so many things, and I anticipate my blog will begin to blossom and take on new life as things around the Bowman Homestead start to unfurl as we rework the soil, prepare the gardens and just enjoy the fresh air..

Until Next Time...